"We are born knowing how to eat, but we must learn how to roast" - Francois Rabelais
What did we learn today? Perhaps that sitting babies upright makes burping easier, or to wait a beat or two before completely removing a soiled diaper. I learned the world does not disappear if you close your eyes.
Bills! Those forlorn reminders of our duties to our utility lords are piled high upon the desk in unopened envelopes. Sifting through the heap, I realized that I must return to work next Monday. I have lost muscle and brain in this two week tender trap of my infant focused life. I have forgotten how to wake up at five am. I have forgotten that I am now the sole provider for my family. I feel as though I am a superhero with no powers.
But I have some new skills: A keen sense of purpose; the unfailing drive to provide; the knowledge the each day will find me arriving home to a house filled with my favorite things, (read: people.) That is motivation enough.
Last night was awful. I felt like Tallulah was angry with us. Screaming, fussy, over-tired, and simply not willing to accept it. Felicity and I took turns sleeping and overseeing the fussybug. I finally gave her a terrific swaddle and tucked her under my arm and went to bed with her lying next to me. She was asleep in moments.
Small miracles do happen. I am satisfied by such little victories. Some part of my idealistic, grandiose childhood has perished in the wake of my girl's arrival. But I still yearn for mountains to conquer, and lands to explore. They wait for me, but my little family cannot. This mountain, though movable, is my adventure for now.
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